Update on my recent adventures

Greetings fellow toddlers! I am very happy to be able to post to you...I have had quite the interesting two weeks. As you all know, I was supposed to attend a toddler world domination meeting in Salt Lake City last weekend, and when I got to the airport, the female tricked me into getting on a plane and taking me to the midwest to visit the slaves there! Ugh, that female slave makes me SO MAD sometimes! Now I will have to reschedule my meeting with my second in command Colonel Pickle and our head female spy in the southwest, Smiley Riley. The female claimed there was some emergency with a distant relative...however, I don't believe I am really related to these people, therefore, how can one of their issues possibly relate to me and get in the way of my meeting?

I did manage before my departure to the miserable midwest (seriously, have you ever been there? can you say DRAB?) to schedule an intelligence debriefing with one of the spy cats in the field, Oreo the Outrageous. Oreo is a close relative to my body cat LC, although much less clever and quite a bit more dangerous. Oreo was also captured by the adult slaves, which is one of the reasons he is so anxious to assist us toddlers in our domination plan!

You know, I realize this is the midwest and quite backwards...but who thinks I would be interested in this simplistic toy?? Seriously, iwhat an insult to my superior intelligence!

What Aunt Beth? You say I am not supposed to have a beer can? I am sorry, I am a little hard of hearing in that ear.......

Aunt Beth I can't say I like your tone! It's not my fault your dim witted husband leaves his cans around...I merely took advantage of my easy opportunity!

That Aunt Beth is really making me angry with this can situation. I am just going to fondle the top and act like I am going to try to cut off my fingers with the sharp edges, that will teach her to harass the general about such a trival thing!

Well all is not hopeless....look at this fabulous command center I discovered for my use while in the midwest! So comfortable, and just perfect for a General!

Female slave, do not disturb me while I am imagining your and your bossy sister's fate in my toddler world order! You say Uncle Frank wants his chair back? Too bad, it's now my command center and he can't have it!

Back at headquarters, I had my body cat snap this picture of me in my jail to show you the horrible conditions I must endure at the hands of the slaves....this is referred to as my "crib". As you can see, I have outgrown this babyish item, and the adult slaves need to stop being cheap and get me accomodations worthy of a growing toddler general!

New Year, New World Order

Happy New Year fellow toddlers! I apologize for the delay in my weekly communique...that dumb female slave of mine let the camera battery run down and I couldn't upload my pictures yesterday! Ugh that female slave is so worthless! I am very optomistic about the coming year, I think it will be a real turning point for our efforts in total world domination. Which will be nice, because if I have to be nice to this female slave much longer I think I am gonna crack!

This is one of the torture devices the adult slaves use on me..they call them "shoes". I am sure some of you toddlers are also familiar with them, I HATE THEM! Here I am testing the material to see if there is an easy way to destroy them...if I find any weakness in the construction of these objects I will let you know!

Where is that pepperoni pizza I ordered? Thirty minute guarantee my butt!

Male slave, I don't care if you two losers did tell me I couldn't order a pizza...I am a General and will do what I want! The vittles prepared for my supper today disgust me...what would you have me do...starve??

Nothing like a cool and refreshing drink after defying the adult slaves with my pepperoni pizza! I always make sure I have two beverages available to me....both water and milk. If the female slave neglects to put out one of my cups....full fuss mode ensues!

This is an easy and surefire way to drive your adult slaves insane...playing with these delightful things called "electrical cords". I don't actually play with them as I know they can be quite dangerous, but I kind of touch and fondle them and watch to make sure the slaves are paying attention....it drives them CRAZY! You must try it!

One of the gifts I received for being fabulous last week was this device that they call a "Learning Table". Now we all know that I don't need to learn anything because I am the general and already know everything due to the large size of my brain, but it's possible I could modify this device to code messages to send out to my colonels.......

Female slave, how many times do I have to tell you I am not to be disturbed in my laboratory?

Ok stupid beagle, Let me show you this ninja move for keeping the large male slave under control......

You two are impossible! All I asked you to do was keep the female slave occupied while I was testing out my new coding device and of course you failed miserably at the task! I am just not sure that you are of any use to me in the movement!

As you can see fellow toddlers, I am quite busy finding new and inventive ways for us to communicate, drive our slaves nuts, etc. I am sure I will have more to report next week...and I am pleased to announce that I have also scheduled a meeting with my overall second in command, Colonel Pickle at his home base in two weeks. Also in attendance will be the clever female spy Smiley Riley. I am sure that I will have much to report after this meeting!

Until next week fellow toddlers!