Greetings fellow toddlers! I am very happy to be back posting with you again in such a short time frame. The loser female slave finally seems to be getting her act together since moving to my new mini-headquarters!

This week I want to share a couple of fabulous items with you....if you don't know about them I am sure you will be glad I shared them so that you also can enjoy hours of entertainment. When you are taking a break from torturing your adult slaves, of course...We mustn't forget our priortity of toddler world domination which must come before any type of leisure activities...

This is the first thing I discovered that is quite fabulous...the slaves call it a "laundry basket". I call it my cozy new chair from which I can survey quite a bit of my kingdom!

Of course, the problem with this "laundry basket" is that of course the slaves have them booby trapped, so if you are not careful you might get tipped over...quite the undignified position for a general!

Surly teenage slave....come and get me immediately and stop laughing. Remember I can hide behind the couch where your pregnant butt doesn't fit!

Ummm female slave are you aware of the torture techniques the surly teenage slave is using when you are off earning wages to fund my needs? Does the term "laundry basket" mean anything to you? Don't even TRY to look innocent!

Now what could be inside here that the slaves are trying to keep hidden from me......

Isn't this fabulous?? I found it in the box they were trying to hide from me, but alas my toddler wiles are too much for them! I have my eyes closed as I am trying to ignore the paparazzi as I enjoy my new fun item!

Go ahead...take it....no I am not feeling vindictive at all after the whole laundry basket incident...it's really a gift, it just LOOKS like a mini explosive device that you saw me assembling in my chambers....the real torture that I have in mind for you is something wonderful that I am keeping hidden in my diap for the proper moment....

Becoming Yet More Fabulous and New Thrones

Greetings fellow toddlers and loyal followers of the General's blog! I must, once again, apologize for the ineptness of my female slave in getting my commuinuqes posted. Things are very busy here at my mini-headquarters, but that's just no excuse for her being such a total loser about my blog! After all, if she doesn't do my posts how are we supposed to get our message out to new recruits!? It's quite frustrating, I must tell you!

Today I have two things to share with you -- first, I have a new look that makes my apperance even more fabulous. I was resistant to cutting my locks of fabulous golden brown hair, but several people asked the female slave about her girl toddler when we were out in public, which of couse made me quite angry and demand satisfaction in the form of a manly haircut befitting the leader of the Toddler world domination movement!


Surly teenage slave, thank you for bringing me to this establishment that specializes in toddler fabulousness. I am hopeful about this even if this woman does look a bit dimwitted....


hmmm I don't know about this sticking straight up look...are you sure it doesn't make me look like I stuck my fingers in a light socket? That wouldn't be very dignified for a General!



Ahhh I was very worried about the abilities of this adult slave, but I am even more fabulous than before! A success! Now let's see how many fat old male slaves at the grocery store think I am a girl!

The other thing that I wanted to share with you fellow toddlers, is that I have a few new thrones more befitting a general. Here you can see that I am relaxing first thing in the morning enjoying my membership in the no pants club!

Female slave, I don't recall giving you permission to take photos of me in my new dining throne!


That female slave just pisses me off on purpose taking my picture when I have not given permission! I am just going to ignore her and try to get myself released from these straps...a general should never be contained!

Yes slaves, my new dining throne is quite comfortable. Much more befitting a toddler general as opposed to those things called "high chairs" that I have outgrown. Those are for tiny babies, not big handsome generals! Now bring me some delicious cheese pizza and the female slave's transgressions with the picture taking will be forgiven....

In Spring, A Female Slave's Thoughts Turn to ...Dorky Hats

Greetings fellow toddlers! I am sorry that I was gone once again last week...the clumsy female slave left the camera at the male slave's house when we went over there to celebrate him getting yet more ancient on the day they refer to as his "birthday".

My post this week is about hats....one of my female slave's favorite torture techniques is to put these cutsey dorky hats on me. Fortunately, most of the winter uniforms I wear do not come with hats, but when spring comes....so do those damn hats. It's always something with that female slave of mine.

Surly teenage slave, I don't know what you are talking about, but I am not wearing the matching hat for this outfit. It's bad enough that she put overalls on me....am I farmer john or what? Ugh, you can really tell that the female slave is from the hickville midwest sometimes.

Ummm.....yeah. don't hold your breath on this one staying on female slave. To say this is not an attractive look is putting it mildly....

Don't even try to appease me with delicious milk female slave, I still know the dorky hat is on my head!

Ok hat problem solved. I am so clever sometimes I can hardly stand it....

Well this is MUCH better....a little more stylish and a much better look for a General Little Bear!

Female slave you are really pissing me off with this hat business. This one has BEAVERS on it! BEAVERS???the beaver socks were bad enough...where exactly do you buy my uniforms? Tasteless General clothing.com?

Can we just get this show on the road? The male slave is just getting more ancient as we speak, so let's get to my official headquarters so I can enjoy some delicious chocolate cake......and stop trying to humiliate me by taking pictures of me in these horrible dorky hats!

I Return From Exile

Fellow toddlers....what can I say. Those adult slaves are just too devious sometimes in their tactics to make me unable to communicate.... I am sorry that I have not been able to post in so long , my female slave has been very defiant and left the headquarters, forcing me to set up a command center in a new location!

Female slave, what is the meaning of this! First you try to use the humiliation tactic to wear me down by taking a picture of me when I am obviously not at my well groomed best, but what is this horrible new place that you have taken me to? It does not appear to be fit for the general of the toddler world domination army!

Well I won't let the new scare tactics of the female slave deter me. I will find a way to establish a command center in this dismal new place and get in touch with my generals ASAP!

Female slave, don't you even think I can't see your glee at my distress! You will pay for this!

Female slave, I will admit that you were quite clever and won that round....but I am pretty sure I am going to win the next one....I have something for you....you just need to check the diap!

Update on my recent adventures

Greetings fellow toddlers! I am very happy to be able to post to you...I have had quite the interesting two weeks. As you all know, I was supposed to attend a toddler world domination meeting in Salt Lake City last weekend, and when I got to the airport, the female tricked me into getting on a plane and taking me to the midwest to visit the slaves there! Ugh, that female slave makes me SO MAD sometimes! Now I will have to reschedule my meeting with my second in command Colonel Pickle and our head female spy in the southwest, Smiley Riley. The female claimed there was some emergency with a distant relative...however, I don't believe I am really related to these people, therefore, how can one of their issues possibly relate to me and get in the way of my meeting?

I did manage before my departure to the miserable midwest (seriously, have you ever been there? can you say DRAB?) to schedule an intelligence debriefing with one of the spy cats in the field, Oreo the Outrageous. Oreo is a close relative to my body cat LC, although much less clever and quite a bit more dangerous. Oreo was also captured by the adult slaves, which is one of the reasons he is so anxious to assist us toddlers in our domination plan!

You know, I realize this is the midwest and quite backwards...but who thinks I would be interested in this simplistic toy?? Seriously, iwhat an insult to my superior intelligence!

What Aunt Beth? You say I am not supposed to have a beer can? I am sorry, I am a little hard of hearing in that ear.......

Aunt Beth I can't say I like your tone! It's not my fault your dim witted husband leaves his cans around...I merely took advantage of my easy opportunity!

That Aunt Beth is really making me angry with this can situation. I am just going to fondle the top and act like I am going to try to cut off my fingers with the sharp edges, that will teach her to harass the general about such a trival thing!

Well all is not hopeless....look at this fabulous command center I discovered for my use while in the midwest! So comfortable, and just perfect for a General!

Female slave, do not disturb me while I am imagining your and your bossy sister's fate in my toddler world order! You say Uncle Frank wants his chair back? Too bad, it's now my command center and he can't have it!

Back at headquarters, I had my body cat snap this picture of me in my jail to show you the horrible conditions I must endure at the hands of the slaves....this is referred to as my "crib". As you can see, I have outgrown this babyish item, and the adult slaves need to stop being cheap and get me accomodations worthy of a growing toddler general!

New Year, New World Order

Happy New Year fellow toddlers! I apologize for the delay in my weekly communique...that dumb female slave of mine let the camera battery run down and I couldn't upload my pictures yesterday! Ugh that female slave is so worthless! I am very optomistic about the coming year, I think it will be a real turning point for our efforts in total world domination. Which will be nice, because if I have to be nice to this female slave much longer I think I am gonna crack!

This is one of the torture devices the adult slaves use on me..they call them "shoes". I am sure some of you toddlers are also familiar with them, I HATE THEM! Here I am testing the material to see if there is an easy way to destroy them...if I find any weakness in the construction of these objects I will let you know!

Where is that pepperoni pizza I ordered? Thirty minute guarantee my butt!

Male slave, I don't care if you two losers did tell me I couldn't order a pizza...I am a General and will do what I want! The vittles prepared for my supper today disgust me...what would you have me do...starve??

Nothing like a cool and refreshing drink after defying the adult slaves with my pepperoni pizza! I always make sure I have two beverages available to me....both water and milk. If the female slave neglects to put out one of my cups....full fuss mode ensues!

This is an easy and surefire way to drive your adult slaves insane...playing with these delightful things called "electrical cords". I don't actually play with them as I know they can be quite dangerous, but I kind of touch and fondle them and watch to make sure the slaves are paying attention....it drives them CRAZY! You must try it!

One of the gifts I received for being fabulous last week was this device that they call a "Learning Table". Now we all know that I don't need to learn anything because I am the general and already know everything due to the large size of my brain, but it's possible I could modify this device to code messages to send out to my colonels.......

Female slave, how many times do I have to tell you I am not to be disturbed in my laboratory?

Ok stupid beagle, Let me show you this ninja move for keeping the large male slave under control......

You two are impossible! All I asked you to do was keep the female slave occupied while I was testing out my new coding device and of course you failed miserably at the task! I am just not sure that you are of any use to me in the movement!

As you can see fellow toddlers, I am quite busy finding new and inventive ways for us to communicate, drive our slaves nuts, etc. I am sure I will have more to report next week...and I am pleased to announce that I have also scheduled a meeting with my overall second in command, Colonel Pickle at his home base in two weeks. Also in attendance will be the clever female spy Smiley Riley. I am sure that I will have much to report after this meeting!

Until next week fellow toddlers!

I am showered with more gifts for my fabulousness

Greetings fellow toddlers! As most of you are aware, our adult slaves appear to be showering us with more gifts for our fabulousness! My female adult slave calls it "Christmas" and says it's a holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus....some baby that lived a super long time ago....but I am the one who is getting fabulous gifts! What a racket!

Male slave, according to my calculations, you have been very bad this year and therefore, I am entitled to your share of the booty. Don't try to argue with me, you know that my superior intellect assures that my calculations must be accurate!

Yet another of the quaint customs for this holiday...the slaves actually bring a tree into the house and decorate it with all kinds of little objects! Here I am closely examining this one to make sure that it's really just an "ornament" as called by the slaves.

OMG this ornament is SO TACKY....these slaves will waste their money on anything! and trees belong outside....silly adults!

Why is the surly teenage slave's stocking larger than mine?? I am the general, and much more fabulous!

Female slave, a word about this stocking situation please!

I am not sure about sticking my hand in here...the slaves might have it booby trapped...let me peer inside and see if I can figure out if it's safe before I stick my whole arm in!

hahahaha...I am so relieved, the stocking was not booby trapped. I guess I shouldn't give the slaves credit for being that smart!

Male slave, before we go any further with these so called "festivities" I must call my Colonels to see how much tribute they received from their slaves for being fabulous!

Female slave....I SAID in a minute!

What is in this box? It appears to have all kinds of warning labels on it...and it's making some strange sound when I lift the lid....

Body cat, please take this weird looking creature to our room and interrogate it appropriately...with those warning stickers and the weird noises that it was making while still in the box, I am more than a little suspicious!

Bossing these adult slaves around and opening so many gifts for being fabulous is thirsty work! and...I KNOW I have the cup upside down, I meant to do that!

Toddlers, take note of this date and make sure that it is marked on the calendar for next year....I hear something about some Santa character that will figure more prominently in this day as we get older.....probably a spy for the adult slaves, so we will want to make sure we are prepared accordingly!

Until next week fellow toddlers!